I never thought I’d say this, but Nintendo has joined the global fight against terrorism. Or at least it will have if a new project funded by US Homeland Security ever sees the light of day.

The acronym-friendly Future Attribute Screening Technology scheme aims to bolster airport security by identifying would-be terrorists via heart rate, breathing, eye movement, body temperature and… fidgeting, which is where Nintendo comes in.

Researchers have constructed an improvised “fidget monitor” from a Wii balance board, altered to monitor shifting weight. CNN reports that studies are now under way to determine whether a certain level of fidget suggests a jumpy terrorist with an IED stuffed into an available orifice. Hmmmm, or it could suggest fear of flying, really needing a piss, too many pre-flight coffees or a seething, impotent rage at being de-jacketed, de-shoed, forced to discard that refreshing bottle of Evian and held up by yet another nonsensical, fear-mongering security precaution. Just saying likes.