And here are the top gadgets from CES 2010, according to The Onion…
Misc
The best gadgets from CES 2010
Thursday, January 14th, 2010CES – Top 5 crappy new gadgets
Friday, January 8th, 2010The Consumer Electronics show kicked off yesterday in Los Angeles and with it comes a slew of product announements showcasing the latest in gadgetry. While loads of bloggers and journo’s clamouring to get the best and most inventive reviews first, here at The Processor we decided to root around and rummage for the top 5 crappy new gadgets.
So here you are, our top 5 shit-tech. Some serious, some not so, all up for discussion, feel free to post your own.
1. Microsoft tablet
Boooring, what is soo friggin exciting about a tablet PC running Windows 7. Microsoft, stop it, you are just embarasing yourself. Why not try and make a cool new product that really differentiates itself from the rest of the market, instead of half assed e-readers.
The most interesting thing about this fail is how they have managed to look shit in comparison to a company that was not even there, and next to a product that has not been launched yet, the Apple iSlate!
2. The Phubby (wrist-on)
It’s a mobile phone holder for your… hand. And as an added feature, it also will make you look like a total douche!
3. 152-inch Plasma TV
As the world’s leading consumer electronics show it’s good to see the number of affordable televisions on show, like this 152-inch plasma TV. Panasonic have not released any information on pricing, but early calculations predict Slovenia. Yes, that’s right, we assume it will cost you about as much as it would cost to buy a former Soviet state.
4. Ford In Car Twitter
Really, you got something to twitter about while you are driving. Like, what, you’re driving. That is not interesting. This one goes in the file with internet fridge etc.
5. Hannspree Polar Bear TV
Ok, so this polar bear shaped TV is supposed to highlight the plight of polar bears in the face of global warming. Ooh the irony!
I am sure we will see more as the event goes on, but for now if you find any more please feel free to Tweet at us or post a comment below.
LED traffic light energy efficiency FAIL
Thursday, December 17th, 2009
Traffic management systems, a.k.a. traffic lights, are not usually a feature on The Processor, however as a result of the impending snow storm forecast for the UK, we thought this story would be of interest. It seems that in some cold weather states in the US, LED traffic lights, now being adopted as an energy efficient measure, are so energy efficient that they don’t melt the snow that covers them during a storm.
So it seems that the replacement of the incandescent bulb previously used relied upon to keep the lights clear, has been attributed to some accidents and even a death. Allegedly engineers in the US are working on a solution, but The Processor has a solution; whack them with a big stick!
[Found it here]
Google’s Special Place
Monday, December 7th, 2009Today Google has announced the launch of a new service using QR codes that allows users to access information about a specific place of interest on their phones quickly.
Google calls these POI’s their “Favorite Places on Google”, and could include restaurants, shops, bars and hotels. Their logic is that most people decide what business to use based on user feedback and would like to access this whilst browsing a menu or looking at a pricelist in a shop window.
This could be very handy, I can see myself now, staggering down the road after a boozy night, getting recommendations on which fried chicken shop to choose on Old Street; FCKF, Dallas Chicken & Ribs or Chiken Cottage, hmmm thanks Google!
MUJI LEGO
Monday, November 23rd, 2009The Debenhams for designers, MUJI, has just announced that it will be releasing a new Lego kit that utilises paper in the construction process to make some rather kickass models. Being a massive fan of Lego, bordering on weird, this particular post from our friends at OhGizmo really did build us with anticipation for a European launch.
iPhone Users are Shallow, Egotistical, Porn Freaks
Thursday, November 5th, 2009
The iPhone is unarguably a decent piece of kit, and a few minor niggles aside, there’s very little to criticise. When it comes to iPhone users however, it’s pretty much open season.
The latest ammo comes from Retrevo, which conducted a survey into the habits and lifestyles of 445 smartphone users. For anyone keen to crassly stereotype anyone who owns Apple’s handset as an image obsessed tosser, the results make for rather amusing reading.
- iPhone owners’ said they find cool gadgets, “most attractive,” about a person, in fact, three times more so than a college degree. For boring old BlackBerry users, the priorities are reversed.
- Both demographics were pretty tech snobby however. When looking for love, 35% of iPhone owners and 29% of BlackBerry owners deemed stuffy old gadgets as a bit of a turn off.
- In an awesomely hypocritical turn, it appears that typically app-obsessed iPhone users are less tolerant of that behavior in others, with 25% of users having binned a significant other for heavy smartphone usage. 17% of Blackberry users had done the same.
- When the dumping does come, iPhone users are less likely to do it face to face, with 33% saying they had broken up with someone via text or email, compared with 22% of Blackberry users.
- Unsurprisingly, iPhone owners used their handsets to check news and sport and watch TV and video more than their Blackberry sporting counterparts, but they also accessed way more pornography. 20% compared to 12% admitted to frequently watching adult material.
- Finally, iPhone users seemed to boast significantly larger egos, with more considering themselves intellectuals, extroverts, jocks and media buffs than BlackBerry owners. The Blackberry isn’t completely lacking in sex appeal though, interestingly, partners of BlackBerry owners ranked them slightly higher in these areas.
Augment this
Monday, October 12th, 2009Augmented reality is pretty fucking cool right? I mean how could it not be – projecting fake stuff onto real stuff is an inherently cool use of technology. Given these high base levels of cool, you’d be forgiven for thinking that it wouldn’t be too hard to come up with something at least reasonably cool, even for a socially crippled and chronically uncool games designer. Arcade Reality – an AR shooter for the iphone – comprehensively stomps that theory however. Quite honestly, it looks about as much fun as masturbating with an electric sander. Who cares that you can tackle nasty aliens in your office/car/vermin infested bedroom when they look as awful as this.
Getting an iOffer from Apple
Tuesday, October 6th, 2009
iOffer - How Apple do job offers
Ever wondered what it would be like to get a job offer from one of the most highly regarded companies in Silicon Valley? Well one blogger, Twisted founder Glyph Lefkowitz, was lucky enough to get one. And as all good bloggers should do, promptly posted an Engadget style ‘unboxing’. Commenting on things like the “hinge tension” and the “tab style navigation”, Apple can be sure that they have hired another disciple obsessed with the same attention to detail as The Lord Jobs Himself.
Read this, then go get yourself a job! Slacker.
Tories fail to do an ‘Obama’ online
Monday, October 5th, 2009
Barack Obama and David Cameron discuss their favourite LOLCATS
‘Oooh Barack, I wanna be like you. I love you. Oh please let some of your cool-ness rub off on me.’ Bleurgh. Jumping on the social networking bandwagon, The Conservatives in the run-up to the assumed general election next year, have just relaunched their new website which according to The Guardian is based on the model used by the Obama campaign in the the U.S. presidential elections last year.
However, they fail to report on how much of a pale imitation of the my.barakobama.com site actually is. On Friday when the story dropped, the site was down, great start. Looking a little closer it becomes apparent just how bland, boring and desperate it seems compared to the strong and confident online style seen by the Obama campaign team.
I’m going to party, like it’s… a Windows 7 party
Thursday, September 24th, 2009Not satisfied with creating the worst operating system ever, Microsoft seem set to do the same in advertising. I do hope they are being ironic in this Microsoft 7 ‘Party’ advert.
Why yes I will go to the website and download an activity sheet for me and my demographically engineered group of friends to get involved in. Let’s hope it consists of drink, drugs and fucking cause that is sure as hell going to be a lot more fun than installing a dubious operating system.
Parodies are coming in thick and fast.
